I found an article with a guide on how to tell your spouse that you want a divorce. The article cites to tips that are helpful in getting over the guilt about wanting to stay together for the sake of the children, or over guilt about not wanting to give up. These are the main points that the article points out to remember when talking to your spouse for the first time about wanting a divorce:
1. Choose a time when you and your spouse will not be interrupted, make sure your children are somewhere else. Let your spouse know you have something difficult you want to tell them.
2. Be prepared for a long talk. If you’re spouse is not ready for the divorce, they may try to talk you out of it or become angry. This is normal.
3. If your spouse becomes angry and begins to name deficiencies to the relationship that they believe are caused by you, you may be tempted to respond back in the same manner. This will only cause the situation to become messy. Listen to what your spouse has to say. The article also says it may be helpful to summarize your understanding of your spouse’s feelings so they feel understood.
4. You must acknowledge that the two of you contributed to the end of the marriage. There is no point in trying to figure out who is to blame. Attempting to find or locate blame will never help the situation.
5. If your spouse tries to draw you into a discussion regarding fault you should refuse to have that discussion. You can repeat that you will not change your mind. Remind your spouse that it is not helpful to engage in a discussion about fault. You should agree that you are willing to talk about how to organize the divorce.
6. Your spouse may be anxious- reassure them that you will be fair and that you are want the two of to work out a reasonable agreement. But tonight is not the time to do it. Reiterate what you have already said and end the discussion. Don’t continue to talk at length in one evening and resolve everything. That is not practical.
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